I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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