She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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