a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my poor anus
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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