somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
