i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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