When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
