oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
