The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
