dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
