So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize