I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize