the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
