Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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