Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize