im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Found the puke drawer
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
