Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
