HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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