I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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