i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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