Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
