to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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