So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
