these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
