I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
