you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
only you would photoshop your dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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