I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
