Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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