I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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