apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
