Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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