please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
