Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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