Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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