Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
