was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
