GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
