OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
