just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
