I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
