fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize