508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
