I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
