Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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