To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
