the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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