He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
