Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
