your thong is hanging out like whoa
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
