i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize