My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
