I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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