you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
