so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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