Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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