your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
