It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize