Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
