I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
