I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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