My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
