i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize