do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
