Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
