Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
where are my eyebrows?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
