lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
