She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize