I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
