shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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