my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
A+ Viking dick
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
