fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He literally asked permission to hit on me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
