let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
