this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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