It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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